Grief.

It's that time of year when it seems common to be grieving about someone who has died, but to not fully recognize the experience as being grief. This season is “not quite the holidays,” but the holidays are right around the corner, and the weather is changing toward fall. Often individuals are expecting and prepared for grief at the holidays, but are unaware they’ve already started thinking about that time of year and it is impacting their emotions.

If grief has been on your mind, you are not alone, and here are a few observations you may find helpful.

• Grief can last a lifetime. It swells and subsides, but don’t be surprised if it hits you at unexpected moments or lasts longer than you imagined it might.

• It helps to acknowledge both the “good” and the “bad” of the person you lost. It’s freeing and it’s real.

• Grief can feel like a crushing fog that invades you, and that can feel overwhelming. Having tangible ways to put words to the experience and to feel some power in the experience can be helpful. Here are some ideas of how you might do that:

1- Find a tangible way to honor the person you lost.

Make and eat their favorite food, create a memorial or memory box of meaningful items connected to your loved one, or do a kind act for someone else in memory of your loved one.

2- Put words to your emotions.

Make a scrapbook and write down memories you have of that person [it can be an absolutely honest scrapbook – including the good and the bad], journal your thoughts and feelings related to the loss and changes in your life, talk with friends/family members about their favorite memories of your loved one and write them down.

3- Grieve with others.

Attend a support group, talk to your friends and family, attend places of faith/church, read books from people that have similar experiences.

• Grief might lead you to wonder about existential issues and big questions. If it’s overwhelming and too hard to think about the big questions, you don’t need to have all the answers right now. It’s okay to put those questions to the side and focus on being kind to yourself. Eat what’s soothing. Dress in what feels comfortable.

• If you have space to ask the big questions, ask them. Grieving brings to mind big questions that Americans don’t always love to ask, and you can miss out by not considering answers. Read some books. Google some topics. Talk with trusted friends and family. Find answers that feel believable to you.

And know, for some things, none of us have an answer. And you are not alone.

- Wishing you well in this season of fall, this season of change.

Material on this page is not a provision of therapy and is for informational purposes only. Please meet with a licensed therapist or medical doctor regarding personal health. Regarding my practice, I am only allowed to meet with clients in the states of Ohio and Florida, where I am licensed. If you would like to schedule an appointment with me, I can be reached at #513-848-7268 and catharina@oakscounseling.hush.com.